Rage Against the Machine (or Indoor Time Trial)

Joy here...Tuesday approached, and since I hadn't completed in the weekly time trial series since back in July, I was really looking forward to racing against the clock.  I wanted to hear the whizz of the wheels buzzing beneath me as the wind whipped by my ears and my legs pumped out a consistent pace.

But it wasn't to be.

I wasn't allowed to get the rush of endorphins from a hard effort as I ride against myself and against the other riders out there on a Tuesday evening.

Pedalling, pedalling, pedalling and goin' nowhere.

I watched the sky all day, and it just got darker and darker.  And the closer and closer to the start time it got, the more sure I was that the thunderstorms would roll in and overhead just as the Time Trial was supposed to start.  "Okay," I thought, "no worries; I'll just ride 15kms indoors on my trainer by myself."  So I trundled down to the basement, clipped into my pedals, turned on some Tour de France for inspiration, and began my warm up.  I rode easily to get my legs going, and get back used to riding on the indoor trainer; it's been a while.  I think the last time I rode indoors there was blowing April snow swirling around outside, so it took me a moment to get used to the rhythm of riding indoors.  It's psychologically really different from an outdoor ride, because instead of feeling the feedback from the road up through the wheels and pedals through my legs and the scenery rushing beside me I had to just get used to the strange feeling of pedalling and going nowhere.

So to get used to it, I warmed up really easily for about 10 minutes.  I just pedalled steadily and in an easy gear, and then I did four 3-minute efforts at around 200w to get myself in the zone.  I was sweating all over my little computer screen and huffing and puffing each time, but I felt like I was getting the cobwebs out of my legs after being off the bike for a while.  I figured I was good and warmed up and all ready to go for my indoor 15km Time Trial.  I had The Man count me down:  Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Go...

...And off I went...

...going a whole lotta nowhere.

Time Trialling indoors isn't all it's cracked up to be.

My target was to keep my power at around 200w for the duration of 15kms on the trainer, something that I've done out there on the road for four Time Trial efforts in June and July.  But as I rode, each time I looked down at my computer to check my data, I was disheartened to see my watts dip down to below 170w.  My new coach has set a training band for me between 177w and 203w for this kind of anaerobic threshold workout, but I was looking down through the sweat glistening on my computer screen seeing numbers bumping round 168w, then 159w, then up to 180w, and I started to freak out.  I adjusted my gearing so that I was in a harder gear, and then my power was up around 200w, but my legs were screaming and not moving fast enough.  So then I changed gears to an easier gear, and I got my cadence up to around 99 rpms, which is a good, solid fast spinning leg, but my power was dipping down to 171w again.

"ARRRRRRGH!"  I heard myself grunting and shouting at myself, at my computer, at my legs, at the world.  Rage was boiling up in my chest at my inability to get my power to stabilize around 200w.  I just couldn't get a rhythm.  I pedalled, and then I'd see my numbers, and then I toyed with the gearing or my pedalling speed, and nothing was rhythmic or consistent.  I just felt like I was surging and slowing and surging and slowing, and getting more and more angry.

Finally, at around kilometre 7 (not even halfway through my 15km target), I just hopped off the bike in frustration.  I felt like I could punch the wall or throw my bike.  I just wanted to smash something.  I was so angry at myself for not being able to to the workout that I wanted that I surprised myself.  I mean, I'm not a really rage-filled person.  I don't have anger issues, and I generally think that there's not much that can't be solved in the world with a smile.  But somehow, the frustration boiled over into rage, and it took me a good few minutes before I was able to calm down and get over the frustration of a not-perfect workout, and realize that along with successes, excitement, good results, plans, and the enthusiasm that I feel in moving forward with cycling as my new favourite sport, there will be days that are not so good, that are not so fun, and that test me.

I now see that's part of the deal.

Part of what makes sport interesting is not just because it challenges us physically, but because it challenges us mentally and emotionally.  How do we cope with disappointment?  How do we deal with frustration?  These are things that sport make us answer in a very visceral way.

And on Tuesday, I answered those questions by quitting and being full of anger.

Next time, I hope that I can rise to the challenge with a little more poise and stick-to-it-ness!

Over and out,
Joy

Ride Stats:
1.)  Warm up:
Time:  35 minutes (with 4 3-minute "efforts")
Avg Power:  195w (for the "efforts")
2.)  Indoor TT:
Time:  11:41
Distance:  7km (UGH...should be 15kms!!!)
Avg Power: 174w (UGH!!!)
Avg Speed:  35.43km/hr